I ALMOST HAD AN EPIPHANY

18 poems of 18 lines of encounters with surrounding people and events over 18 days

I find the light
too panoramic
I didn’t use to panic
There are details
too unforgiving
And this dream of ours
is slowly turning
Into a drama
of labyrinthine proportions
trapped in too many options
I stare like a blind
into the glare of
your guts and glory
And saw instead
the rut and folly
I know I am not guilty
but somehow I am sorry
I am becoming fidgety

I sought a sage
who lived in a cave
in the darkness depths divine
That my body
became my thoughts
scattered across
space and time
In between the moments
that no one yet go
I face the vastness of
all that I could not know
Give me more time to know you
like years instead of days
The silence to behold you
to figure out your escapades
In the forest of the night
I have become the darkness
to see your light

I was a genius
who knew the hydrogens
some as old as the beginning
When your dazzling light
exploded in me
and you became me thinking
No logic nor randomness can explain
this thought infested feeling
It drove me mad and made me sad
and I beg you to go a hiking
But soon
there is another thought arriving
and it is still of you
I can feel it fast approaching
the air is trembling too
And then I remembered
I was a genius and
friends with the hydrogens too

I travelled to
the great divide
and stood
in the middle of
the gypsies and the suits
It was all decent until
tension rolled down that hill
Did I also mention
that the bone of contention
was long lost in the confusion
The mood was tight
right up to that night
And when the end got ugly
I never told the story
of the secret neighbourhood
of the love and the unity
of one analytical gypsy
and one redeeming suit

I went too far
and came so close
To forgiving the shame
and forgetting the ghost
You see
I found the room
where we once played fair
It was empty
and trance was there
The soft breakdown
of this lengthy dissonance
could leave one high
on a cruel disguise
The lingering stale
of yellow smoke
said to me
That it is all
a cosmic joke

I followed the prophet
who rode a mare
We like it slowly and very slow
I used to be first
but now I am last
Changing lanes
living it fast
believing what I was told
no time to ask
This mare it seems
appeared in a dream
and he’s been riding it eversince
I started to dream
my soul laid bare
I saw the prophecies
I rode the mare
very slowly and very slow
I like it slowly very slow

I inherited the task
of re-ordering the universe
It came to me from a ping in the air
crisp clear
and ceremonious like an old fanfare
It came to woo me like a brand new city
every square inch to explore
It came with an obsessive contract
that can justify any outburst
the ancestors would think it's a curse
It came every next hour
like an ardent lover
whose impeccable shower
of naked devotion
nights that know no exhaustion
It came amidst the attention
of the discovery of the
obligate intracellular parasite

I will beat you
if you steal my thunder
I will find you and follow you
like an ominous cloud
like a thief at night and in the crowd
In the bend of your elbow I will hide
hear all your complains and dislikes
I see your cabinet full of pills
I know all about your lesser deals
Taking without asking
is flirting and plundering
with trust with the rest of us
I will beat you until
your teeth is in my knuckle
I will beat you in the great human struggle
I will beat you by the hair
in the race that didn’t begin fair
I will beat you

I fell with my enemy
a kind of profound tumble
That turns hate into love
vengeance for penitence
A moment agreed
by the angel and the devil
A truce made
above and below
When you have to chose
between your own meditation
and the crowds exhortation
When the cacophony of the mob
seems louder than the cosmic chords
It is better to face the enemy
and soothe the devil
The crowd is a mob is a horde
that knows only itself
No love no evil

I love vintage
the ideas and the views
That lovey dovey feeling
of mended items the smell and the hue
Along with a budget
they gave me new strings for the puppet
To dance and sing
to plastic bells of the tambourine
Play the rhythm of the turning seasons
on drums the skin I cannot change
They took the magic from the years
when willing the clown became a soldier
Swapped the red nose that toots
for those bloody heavy boots
Laughter and fun
tucked snugly in the barrel of the gun
I still love vintage
the cool ideas the rave reviews

I have got to go
my love is on the run
I think it’s almost done
though I feel it's just begun
That kind of nearly over
like summer in September
You said I talk too loud
when your head is in the clouds
You said I was the extra strive
in your perfect symmetrical life
Only you can see a difference
when am I here and when am I present
Are you not the one that escaped
as I flee this mangled town
Everything that is loose is burning
except your judgements in the basement
and my heart
tied to your concrete crown

I was first taught symbolism
and then love and duty
There is no truth really
only convincing versions
and endless revisions
And so it is
One thing to the chosen
is another to the multitude
The war fought by the many
is different from that of the few
I will give you my collectibles
please let me leave your battlefield
I am still paying my debts to the empire
bottomless pit of pitiless desire
I regain my strength
in the cold and meteoric shower
With a rock in one eye
and a star in the other

I roam the nights
to catch the falling stardust
and to ask if anything
the soul should know
Concerning the atoms
those coming from the ether
who made the perilous journey
and will they ever find me
There’s also those different versions
regarding the layers of who we are not
How do I tell the real ones from the false
I look between my eyes closed
and got an affirmation
Of the coming of the atoms
acoss the void
their timing no one could say
I felt the shimmers of stardust
as they send me on their way

I remember the hour you and I
first attracted to each other
I
like water always moving
You
like the moon always pulling
at whatever the earth cannot hold
We hold on to everything
to bring it close
The tides of time pushing
our periods of rise and fall
Of cold nights and long distances
Moon around earth around sun
We travel our love
Across landscapes

strange and familiar
all one every moment new
You I Moon Earth Sun

I never met anything
I felt this or that way about
or anyone worth a holy swear
It never happened
what the others talked all day
I never did quite understand
what the fuss was anyway
I never had the urge to ask
or the tendency to discuss
I did not see it coming
I did not hear it calling
though I felt some buzzing
I thought something was kind of missing
I must have heard them singing it
a thousand times
It is getting kind of late
I don’t really want to find
I have arthritis now

I am waiting in the vestibule
of your ostensibility
The cards of reality all laid out
trying to match the shades of truth
A special deck is all I need to see
Your ornaments and crimes
Caught in the elaborate web
of your collection of velvet spiders
of the old underground world
Your hierarchical words
don’t put me down
And when talks begin
on the ultimate things
it was every man for himself
When the flame of the candle
is round and blue
There will be no gravity
no strings for you to pull

I lack the courage
to do nothing
To stand in openness
in the face of fear
To reside in the uncertainties
To be with patience in the great unfolding
To find in solitude that complete freedom
To inhabit the questions
before the time of answers
To wait it out instead stirred the crowd
How many blessings have become traps
for those times too quick to snap
that photograph that sudden reaction
that careless remark that ardent declaration
To choose to take on nothing
To silently be a comfort amidst the pain
To spend the night falling in love
and not know your name

I steal from my dreams
the cure for a mild imagination
This is a secret I disclose
to free me from the dross
of a predicament such as a mind
Always precise and always lacking
This mind it seems
does not inhabit the dreams
No clue of the unraveling scenes
no will over things
when they become other things
Still I find it befitting to steal
from this richer world
Then one day I awoke in a dream
to find all the missing thoughts
the mind has put out of desire
Like a forgetful hoarder
unable to locate the hidden treasure